I’m an awful person right now. Stuck in my own shit, sometimes feeling so close to finding my way out only to get sucked back into it somehow. Everyone around me, their own lives are shifting. And their shifting is making me feel more and more left behind. Not by them. But by myself. They’re being offered new jobs while I had to leave my measly part time gig due to … workplace harassment? A retaliatory boss who became overly invested in my personal life and my personal choices and how I spent my time away from work. I’m moving backwards while I see those around me, amazingly and wonderfully warm humans who deserve all of their successes, are moving forward. I feel lost. I feel like dead weight. I miss laughing. I miss liking myself. Where did that person go from eight months ago? The one who felt grief from a breakup but also at peace with the decision (for the most part at least). The person who didn’t hole herself up in her house, avoiding her studio, avoiding connection. Who grieved while still living life. Where the fuck is that person. Because I miss her. Her friends miss her. Her friends deserve her. Tomorrow I will celebrate someone who deserves to be celebrated, and I will feel dead inside.

When the fuck do my new meds arrive?

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